Good friends have recently asked me if I am really happy. I don’t know if the question implies that they believe I am not, or if they are just curious. I will take this opportunity to say, yes, I am doing well. I will use the word well and not happy because happiness is funny thing. When I respond positively to the question of if I am happy, I feel there is little room to also acknowledge that I also experience loneliness and linguistic fatigue. To live very far from those I love is difficult. To feel constricted in language is difficult. To know fewer people than any time in recent memory, this too is difficult. However, I remain well. There are nights I go out and dance. There are nights I am in bed at 10:30 reading. There are moments I am sad. There are moments I look at the river from three-blocks away and think, “My gosh, I am glad to live here.” My life is a life. It has meals and bus rides, coursework and yoga. There are days it is substantially full and there are days I just buy groceries and go to the post office. But I will say my life here, like my life in general, is a great source of pride. To live so far away and yet pursue those opportunities presented to me, to miss my family and friends and yet know that what is before me is also to be loved and cared for, that keeps me well, even in those moments when I do not feel happy.
May 20, 2008...6:00 pm
“But how are you really doing?”
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4 Comments
May 21, 2008 at 5:31 am
tina, i didn’t even know you had a blog! i was glad to find it and to catch up on how and what you are doing. miss you and love you.
May 26, 2008 at 3:53 pm
my love, I am glad to hear you are doing well and pretty much happy! We are well at home, but miss you lots….stay safe….Love, Grams
June 2, 2008 at 5:31 pm
This is a beautiful post. Damn, you’re good with words. Happiness, yes, it is a tricky concept isn’t it?
June 6, 2008 at 5:59 pm
tina. i’m so proud of you. you are a remarkable woman, and a gift to all with whom you come in contact.
también, estoy muy celoso de tí cuando pienso en todo lo que estarías experimentando allí en uruguay! a lo mejor me encuentro en un país lejano, viviendo la vida loca siguiendo tu ejemplo (sueño en volver a españa).
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